"You'll never find me," reads letter signed Bricked-Up Barry

When Bricked-Up Barry disappeared two weeks ago, it seemed to confirm what our local authorities believed: that such an influential man in our town was, in fact, a serial rapist and pedophile.

Leadership from the C.U.M. says they're on the case.

"The guy's retarded. He put a return address on the envelope."

When I confronted Carl Coalman about his callout in the letter, he said he was really busy and I should leave him alone. I believed him, so that wraps that up.

Will the C.U.M. find Barry? Why did Carl seem so eager for me to leave? Only time will tell.

Shwarmson knows. Shwarmson tells.